Our first holiday apart.
I had no care to really celebrate Halloween this year but try explaining that to a 7 & 4 yr old.
It was a battle to just get little things done. I just wanted to crawl back into my covers and just be sad. But when you have kids you can’t do that.
For the most part, the littles have kept me on my feet. I made some banana bread for them and I cleaned the main floor. Yes, the upstairs is a wreck right now but hey that will help keep me busy tomorrow right.
Who would have thought that I’d love cleaning as much as I do at the moment?
The little things are what got me today, driving and seeing a couple walking together laughing at something sent me into silent tears as I drove. Listening to our song played on repeat. You’d think I wouldn’t do that if it made me sad but even in the tears, it comforted me.
Our 16 month old seemed to understand that something was bothering me. You know how they say babies can sense our emotions. Well, my son sure did he kept running up to me to be held, cuddled and would give me a kiss and then goes back to play. Only to repeat that process.
I am so thankful to be living close to family, we are a big family and the noise can be a great distraction. Towards the end, I did start to zone out because even when surrounded by loved ones, it’s just not the same.
I didn’t get to share in that special moment when you watch your child and see their happy faces and listen to their cuteness with each other. Tonight I didn’t lay in bed talking about our kids and how our day went along with fighting over the covers. I go to bed alone not hearing from my other half, and wondering how he is doing. Tonight I say a silent prayer for him and lay on his side of the bed with a shirt that still smells like him. But I can go to bed more at peace tonight knowing that I survived and the kids went to sleep talking about how much fun they had and all the candy they got.
Today I survived.
I didn’t get everything accomplished and sweats were my outfit of choice but I survived and that’s okay with me.
Some days just surviving is the biggest accomplishment. Nothing to be ashamed of. It’s okay to not get all the things you wanted to be done, but you if got out of bed and put your hair up and a smile on your face you also survived and just so you know in my eyes you did amazing.
Always & Forever,